Temptations are everywhere and we are all cheaters in some form. Think about it, what are YOU cheating yourself of in your life.
Some people chose to cheat on their diet, their daily routine, their partner, the list goes on~ each time we do, what we fail to acknowledge~ is we think we are cheating on another, but the plain truth is ~we are truly cheating ourselves.
We are all human~ we ALL make mistakes and will continue to do so; it is how we learn, and the way of life. When we make a mistake for the first time, we learn that the opportunity to do it again then after becomes so much easier, and then it becomes part of who we presently are. EVERY ACTION IS A CHOICE!
“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”
There is that moment when we decide and it is our choice to make that “bad” choice again. It initially was a mistake made during a moment of weakness or intoxication. Whatever state we are in when we make the choices we do, the truth is no matter what, we know when we are doing something that is morally wrong. How it becomes part of our behavior is never realized to many. Just know the present behavior of a person USUALLY predicts their future behavior. UH, NO, I don’t believe in that stupid saying… “once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. ” While the quote may ring true more of the time, it is NOT “set in stone”; because each one of us holds the ability to change our behavior, with realization and the want to change; we are not pre-programmed robots.
The wonderful moment comes to a few of us; we decide we don’t want our bad choices to dictate who we are, we want to be a better version of who we have been practicing to be; some just get sick of the shallow ways, we want to feel better about who we are and believe we are better. We are all humans who make mistakes so that mistake doesn’t have to become part of us; we want control , we will NOT allow our bad choices to “make us their bitch” any longer.
We have the desire to understand or make sense of how things got to the point they did; trying to remember all the mistakes along the way you both made how you both hurt each other. The truth is love shouldn’t hurt and doesn’t bring doubt. Realize that the relationship you are allowing to give you such feelings is wrong.
If you have a strong need to learn from it you can conquer it! The truth is cheating becomes a mind game before you know it and nothing to do with love. People that choose to cheat are wanting instant gratification for numerous reasons. They usually cheat because that other person is making them feel wanted, desirable, interesting~ something they are lacking at that point. They get in a disagreement in their current relationship and need to feel that the backup is till there and available, you allow yourself to be used because you make yourself believe you are being called upon because you are almighty and they love you. The truth is if they loved you they would be with YOU. Love doesn’t use love doesn’t just come around to take. If you are a person who finds value in relationships, specifically your love relationship, then this will bother you and make you feel like less of a person.
It is amazing how fear can drive a person to do things to hurt someone they love; and don’t realize it is too late by the time the relationship is completely at ruins. You will find yourself in a downward self destruction that will make you feel like (morally) you don’t even recognize yourself anymore; and what you did to give you a temporary feeling you needed has brought you to a point where you feel so way lower then before you cheated. Like a terrible destructible drug~ heroin… it feels wonderfully amazing for a short period of time; after that first time… you are ruined because you will do it again. It will always be easier each time after because it becomes part of your behavior. What we are willing to risk for a simple moment of gratification.
There are people who specifically choose to have affairs with people who are already married or in a committed relationship. They are drawn to those they can’t have or feel like have to win; there are various reasons but mainly all stem from the simple fact they have been hurt in the past and are afraid of commitment. They are using a defense mechanism to protect themselves; how can they get close to someone who is committed in more ways to someone else~wife/gf/other. The truth is you… reading this, you may think this cheating doesn’t pertain to you; or that you will never experience it in your life; but someone you love may. You reading this, maybe a cheater… a cheat-ee… or have been the one cheated on …take this opportunity to trust this a warning that YOU and your partner deserve the best life has to offer, change what is wrong. The devil will always use your vulnerabilities to get to you , he will tempt you throughout life to do what is wrong; and you need to want to make the right choice and be strong and faithful because it will be easier at times to choose what is wrong. If you are in a relationship or marriage that is boring or mundane; do something about that. A relationship is only as good as the work you are willing to put into it. I am so sick when men complain… “my wife is boring…. ” ok who is responsible for that, take responsibility, make your plans to make positive changes and take action. If you are unhappy with the partner you selected and you just can’t seem to picture your life together, not in love; get out of the relationship with your integrity in check and your penis in your pants still.
Here they come; the new charming soul, they make you laugh, make you smile; and you feel so excited when they are near~ they come around and you feel young and foolish lose your mind , they make your eyes heart- pop EMOJEE style and then they tell you oh, i am in a relationship BTW… but… here comes all the reasons they are unhappy. Stay strong and honestly you need to keep your limits in check; what goes around will definitely come around. If you think you are just so amazing that you won’t be cheating on once they “finally leave” the relationship which they seldom do, guess what… manipulative people will tell you exactly what you want to hear it is their craft. If someone lives a life of lies and deceit they have mastered the art. Soon enough, your relationship with them will get to the point where infatuation is gone, daily stresses bring you down; you will one day not be as exciting as something new and shiny, or you may just have a huge disagreement. Guess where they are going!!!! Remember this : the person you are cheating with is taking your finest qualities and using you when they need you; and the worst thing is, you are allowing it.
I despise cheaters because it is the worst part of me I once allowed and hate.
I cheated way before I started my family and I cheated when I was still a clueless, emotional, and lost kid. I was young, and I needed to feel loved, wanted, needed … that is no excuse; but it is why I did it… all those things that I needed to feel; there he was ready to tell me all I needed to hear but even more all i needed to believe~ he didn’t hold that kind of power. I know it ruined my relationship with my partner forever; there was no coming back from that type of devastation. I could spend a life time proving I was a loyal person who made a mistake and personally felt I shouldn’t be defined by it…. I deserved respect and trust and no matter how much time passed; and how loyal and faithful i proved to be to him; It was never enough to take away the fear and hurt that was created by what was already done and regretted. I vowed to spend the rest of my life proving to myself and him; I was the woman of the integrity I held myself to be. Fear is pretty strong; and some mistakes can’t be erased; and one choice can seriously change the dynamic of your relationship with another forever. We all make mistakes and hurt one another in various ways throughout life; but I don’t think one should be branded and forced to pay the price by being reminded time and time again, year after year for a mistake at a completely period of time in their life that they were completely sorry for. It also wasn’t considered that since he was cheated on; he would forever be branded as well (in a different way); one full of fear and mistrust toward me. I was sure to acknowledge my mistake and learn from it; and make it a point to not allow it to become a part of me; but I always had the guilt and held onto the fact a mistake can be so damaging and powerful; it will feel it is a part of you. How can we hurt someone we are supposed to love and care for so much that we are willing to jeopardize the relationship we shared for some playtime here and there; or just some need; there really is so many easy targets~lonely or horny people who are willing to be the side-hoe. The truth is I learned a valuable lesson in one of my most important relationships in my life… I learned no escapade with anybody is worth losing your self respect. I knew I would never give that feeling to another soul by cheating on someone if I was going to choose to be in a committed relationship. I would never bring myself down to a level i was not comfortable with, and I would be conscious of all my choices that were specifically made for my own self satisfaction.
Understanding is letting go of denial and facing the truth, whether it is physical or emotional we all know exactly when we are crossing that line with someone we shouldn’t be crossing it with. We all get needy at different times and points in our life; we need others that is just the plain truth. The best advice is be honest with your needs and change your own personal behavior by replacing the want to go and get instant gratification with a healthy choice that will actually make us feel better in the future as well. The temporary feeling of good is a LIE! We have to face the COLD HARD HURTFUL truth to find that long-term good feeling; you will only get from the truth. It isn’t easy to change our minds because of all the feelings and emotions that go along with acknowledgement and change. There comes a point in our lives when the lonely woman has to face it and say; I am and deserve better than to be your side bitch… I deserve honesty, love, respect… and refuse to answer that call again.
The strong and brave face the truth which makes the ability for change, thus take control over their decisions that gives them the potential to condition a new behavior into their reality.
It sounds complicated and is even more complicated to actually do! Facing the truth is extremely hard when we have allowed ourselves to believe a lie for so long. It isn’t too late for anyone and its possible; but only if you want it, remain honest with yourself and put closure to whatever it is that keeps you choosing behaviors that make you feel like shit. You then need to decide to pick on the side of truth and honesty over and over again…
It is hard when we have to acknowledge that our expectations have been damaged and completely destroyed, that person we held so high and believed was so perfect for us is a complete dream we created in our head. The truth is we all have either hurt someone we love or have been hurt by damaging behavior by someone we love. The person who continues to make excuse after excuse and continues to allow themselves to believe the present lie; or turn their head and busy their life needs to stop and take NOTICE! Take the responsibility to take care of YOU today; and then wake up and make that same choice tomorrow. The bad circumstances that happen in our life are often many times accepted unconsciously and allowed by our ability to deny the truth; and allow it to happen again.
Take full responsibility you feel the way you do because you are making the choice to; quit pointing the finger at another person. If you can’t trust the other person; say GOODBYE as hard as it maybe; its the best thing for you and your soul. Go find the love and respect you deserve! If you are confused and can’t be there for the other 100% supportive; let the person you cheated on go; let them be and find their peace. Stop being selfish and dicking them with false hope; no one deserves that! Each and every person deserves the love and respect they give.
One of the main reasons people don’t change, is because it is easier to put blame on the other person; oh they hurt me i can’t get over it; blah blah… that way it is easier to accept what we want to believe if we think its out of your or their control. Believing there is nothing to work on personally is a huge lie you need to realize. The belief that simply waiting for a change to happen is all that can be done; is a huge lie just the same. Feeling sorry for yourself or allowing yourself to feel sorry for the other people involved believing you are a poor victim; looking for your lost way; but going back to get the care and love you need from that person when you feel like it. Stop believing your own lies; She threw herself on me. She won’t leave me alone. It’s only for sex. Believe this crap you feed yourself and others and you will stay what you are forever a liar.
NO ONE in this life owes us anything! We owe it to ourselves though to guard and protect our bodies and emotions. If someone is making you unhappy or miserable; hurting you physically or emotionally and you feel you owe them anything that is NOT TRUE; they don’t even deserve the next explanation. You and your conscious deserve a break; look for the truth; but even more than that pray for it.
Many outgrow relationships, or maybe just going through their own personal crisis. Life sucks for everyone; that does not give you a free ticket to go and find different means of temporary fulfillment while you hold onto someone who is loyal and expects it of you and deserves it. If you are a person who is unsure about your life; trying to find your way; lost; and unsure… Don’t be so cold-hearted to string a committed person along with you because you love that love when you are willing. If you can’t be there emotionally and physically when you should be; like they are for you; you don’t have the right to come around when you need to feel that dependable kind of love that a committed person offers. If you do; you are selfish and need to realize at some point in time; the only way to get passed yourself; is manning up or ladies put your big girl panties on and let this person find the kind of love they deserve and give.
There will be many times in our life we feel “off” our path; we know how we feel inside; just stop for a minute and think about it. You know exactly if things feel right or wrong! If things feel off they ARE! Do NOT let fear win! Don’t be afraid of going a complete different way, you have to in order to feel different. It is ok to not know or be sure, none of us do.
Many of us choose a partner who isn’t emotionally and/or physically there for us proving time and time again they will be unaccountable. Yet we hold onto the neglectful partner hoping they will become someone they are not~ that isn’t fair to either involved.
Understanding is crucial! Even though this is the only type of a love you may have experienced; this isn’t love at all.
Why are you holding on to someone who doesn’t love you like you deserve to be loved? You hold onto every memory and during that time you dreamed of a perfect love; so you think in your mind it was perfect.
Remember each time for a moment the way you were left alone time and time again, especially those times when you really needed someone there for you. This is common while a cheater is out doing there own things for their own personal needs; they come back using lies and excuses of what they are doing or where they have been to keep the charade going.
Do you remember how that felt each and every time, Remember for a minute and think about it…
Yet, when he comes around because he is in need, your ready to give him what he needs because you have felt left in need by him~for too long. But, because you understand the need you try to still be there for him in whatever way you can be for the moment.
The time will come when you are finally ready and when you look at the person; and have hurt for way too long and all respect will be gone; because you will realize you never really shared anything special at all. Usually that doesn’t happen until you find that love that you will appreciate and be confident in. The kind of love with truth, facts, and realness. Every person is different and each has their own time they need to work on this; but just keep in mind as long as you hold on; you are pushing real love away.
You deserve to get the love you need. You deserve to have trust in LOVE (both sides)! Trust and confidence in that person. Love isn’t fear. Love isn’t uncertain. Love doesn’t give you anxiety.
Love doesn’t feel like betrayal Love is NOT disappointment…
Betrayal is a more subtle, twisted feeling than terror.
It burns and eats, but terror stabs right through.
Love feels good! Love is the best feeling in the world. Love is friendship on fire!
It is easy to forget what love is when you have conditioned yourself to believe it is something else… So we are willing to starve ourselves of a permanent real love with someone. We only acknowledge the temporary satisfaction and holding 👐 onto something that doesn’t exist. Love doesn’t come around on occasion and leave when it’s done getting what it needs for its selfish self. Love cares!
Love is closeness and connected, love doesn’t leave you with a constant busy signal.
a letter from my heart to yours
Feeling you belong to another and they to you~ is one of the greatest feelings ever ❤ love mutually gives.
Why do you allow such a person in your life, why do you feel the need so strongly to depend on someone who doesn’t care back in the same way.
Why do you keep waiting for a person who constantly puts you in pain, and why do you not see that your happiness is worthy.
You finally begin to feel 🙂 happy, a happiness that was gone for quite a while, but for a minute you finally know you deserve more of out this life and then slowly begin to move on~ when you do, he comes running back, and you let him in once again; the cycle continues and you~are gone once again…
The free innocent Spirit is gone, the walls are back up. Why do you allow him to hurt you in this way again and again.
It’s time you stop caring about the needs of someone who brings you so much pain and start thinking about your needs!
Stop feeling responsible for him and his happiness! Start recognizing his irresponsible actions that have put your needs at the bottom of his list.
Let go of the guilt nothing you said or did caused this you have tried for over a year and even when he was absent for days, weeks, a whole summer.
This is not love, please recognize that soon or you will miss out another day, week, month, summer, year… on the opportunity of love.
You will lose your chance with someone who may love you like you deserve…
because you just refuse to stop the addiction!
******* yes, this WAS me I have been on both sides
#20years holding on because of guilt
Bonding is a biological and emotional process that makes people more important to each other over time, concentrate on creating bonds that matter with people who are of the same integrity as you. A real friend will not keep secrets for you and allow you to risk losing what you love or risk losing your integrity. Real friends who care will always think better/highly of you; and won’t want to see you sink. They will help you to choose the right way every time. Most helpful tip of all; ASK GOD for help every time you feel weak or need his guidance and support.