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Grandma Darling <3, saying goodbye, Grief and loss


My grandma (maternal) died November 7, 1993.


My grandma who I called my grandma Darling died at the age of 55 years old it was unexpected, shocking, and devastating for all her loved ones; especially because she played a very important role in everyone’s personal life like no other could fill.  It is such a wonderful gift when I see parts of my grandma live on in her children and grandchildren.


My grandma made me understand love <3; Love isn’t selfish; its about giving to another just because you Love them.  Love makes time to listen and be there!  Love is forgiving and nonjudgmental.  My grandma also made me realize how easy it is to take those we love for granted.


Losing my grandma was extremely difficult for me; It was the 2nd time  I had dealt with death of someone I cared so much for.  I miss the goodness of my grandma everyday and losing her changed the structure and relationships of our whole family.


This weekend I thought about her a lot on the St. Matt’s Teen Acts retreat.  One of my daughters best friends Tahlia, I am also her special “spirit animal” (I really love her like a daughter).  She unfortunately had to deal with the loss of her grandma during the retreat.


Her grandma reminded me a lot of my grandma; from all the stories I heard; so I knew losing such a magnificent woman would feel devastating for my dear friend.  I wanted so bad to be there for her, make her feel better; but I also know there was nothing I could do to take away that harsh pain of losing someone so dear. I wished I could dull the pain; I hurt for her! All I knew I could personally do was share all I had learned in dealing with my personal grief.  It was hard because it took me back to all the hurt and pain of losing my grandma.

When we returned from the retreat I picked up my kids; and we all were amazed as we looked at the sky; there was a beautiful ray of light; and it looked as if an angel were in the clouds.  I told my kids, “Look at the sky; look how it radiates; oh my Gosh that looks like a real angel look in the middle it even has a halo.”

Today when my 8 year old daughter Miley woke up this morning; she ran to me… and told me something strange.  I rarely talk about my grandma; just because i miss her and it makes me feel sad sometimes. (Miley knew nothing about the struggle I had been having with missing my grandma this weekend) She said, “Mom, I had a dream and I met your grandma, She was so beautiful!”  It kind of looked bright like the sky the other day when we saw the angel.  Mom it was so calm, and she told me; when I asked her who she was I am your moms grandma darling; one day I will be able to spend more time with you later; and to tell your mom I love her.” Miley said she kissed her on the cheek.


Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace!Where there is hatred, let me sow love;Where there is injury, pardon;Where there is doubt, faith;Where there is despair, hope;Where there is darkness, light;Where there is sadness, joy.Oh, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seekTo be consoled, as to console;To be understood, as to understand;To be loved, as to love.For it is in giving that we receive;It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;It is in dying that we are born to eternal life!


I wanted to share a little something right after my grandma died; I had a dream I was an infant again; she was holding me, kissing me, and loving me as she always did.  It was so vivid; I remembered her smell; and how she would always wear her school uniform shirt from Providence High School years after she graduated… I felt so loved so safe; i woke up and cried because I could feel her presence but I knew it would be short lived….

What makes a woman amazing is her heart on display in every thing she does. From the simple things like her smile or the gleam in her eye to the more intricate in how she carries herself in challenging activities with patience, passion, persistence and poise. She is amazing in all because at her core, in her soul, her heart if you will she is wonderful, amazing, classy, beautiful, elegant and …….unforgettable! She is a rare pearl! Those few that find a lady of such high caliber are very lucky indeed!”



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