Happy 22 years Marisa!

Happy Birthday Marisa Ann !

Today you are 22 years old and I can’t believe it because it seems like just yesterday we were at Little Angels Daycare, where you cried on the lady’s lap the whole time and I peeked at every hole in the wooden fence, hoping you would stop crying… But you didn’t; and then when it was time for me to pick you up, you would break down as if I had no clue what you had been through… That was short lived, LOL I couldn’t leave you another day. You have definitely been my little perfect Guinea pig… but I was being taught; how to live with loving a a little being so much and realizing I had to always practice teaching you to not hold on so tight when that is all I wanted to do; and you too.

After your siblings were born, I knew better… they were sent as a limited time treasure; but the greatest thing is our love is forever with no limits.

Thank you for being an inspiration to me; to always be better, thank you for being an inspiration to your siblings to care, love, and show so much understanding; even when you, yourself have felt so misunderstood.

It was 2 years I began a spiraling down of holding on and searching; and grabbing onto all the things I shouldn’t but just trying to find some escape. So many tears, so many struggles, you were and are definitely my rock; but more than that you are my inspiration to be a better mother, friend, and woman.

Last year on this very day; I told myself I had to stop being destructive to myself, I told myself I had to nurish who Michele was; and nothing in this whole world made me feel I was worth it; but YOU. I knew I had to get sober of all the toxicity that was so difficult I had tried on the daily and never before was I able to make it past day 4. Then your birthday came; and I told myself NEVER again…. for you; even if I wasn’t enough; you were. Today is 1 year and I am so finally clean.

We have had so many changes going on this past few years and every year I have had you by my side making me proud of you and reminding me that no matter what terrible paths I had taken I was not a failure.

I am so grateful to have you as my sidekick. I know I haven’t always been a conventional mother but you have gotten use to it over the years and have accepted me throughout the years just the way I am; and for that I am forever grateful.

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