Burst the chains, Stand up for YOU!

Flat bottom boat with Evinrude~

We are both extremely strong, and no matter how you try to cut it; the truth is you are strong because of me, and I am strong because of you. The beginning of my strength started with you, before that I can truly say I was just surviving. Conceived from a struggle and then after it was battle after battle. Then, you came along and gave me a strength to fight every obstacle head-on. I know your strength and now in so many ways you have gone away, but the truth remains, when the world was wild and didn’t make sense I never left your side, and you never left mine. I still carry you with me every day.

When did I become the bad guy in your mind? Every new chapter, we are stronger, and enhanced with additional understandings that bring a new breath of life into our world. When did you stop wanting to understand me, when did your soul say, ” I refuse to understand the metamorphosis of the exquisite being this soul is becoming.” What do you hold in your unconscious that gives you fears and tells you lies about the person I am vs. the person you make me out to be.

I am the same, and always will be, the only thing is I may have become polished with age and circumstances. Is the truth, you just understand things differently and refuse to see me anymore. The truth always lies under the surface, and you come from where my surface begins in too many ways. When you had no clue, who was it that was right by your side saying all I could and doing all I could to bring you out, make you fight for all you are, and understand who you are and are NOT.

When we are convoluted by lies it is always hard to recognize the truth. We always want to be the smart one, who sees, hears, and understands the truth; but it isn’t the truth if it divides. It isn’t the truth if it judges and causes alienation. All we can do is focus on what we have, and that is actually just the very moment we hold.

Recognize the fears that are lies, that weaken our connection, and divide our love and know that is the true enemy, not me/you. Forget all the made-up reasons our mind tells us that makes us believe things are not supposed to be this way, things are how we make them at this instance, they don’t become like this due to ones person’s fault; every relationship takes a joint effort that all involved have to work on each day with every new change life gives us.

One thing my grandparents and daddy taught me is, that no matter where we stand, it is better by each other and we always stand up for each other; no one will talk us down when we aren’t around. There is only one person we can disagree with and that is the person we are talking to, not about.

Tired of the finding fault in others, especially children who are innocent; concentrate on our own flaws that is our only job in this life we were not put here to fix another soul. The only power we have is to love one another and try to understand one another.

If only you knew how completely dependent I will always be on you, your feeling of care that gives me strength. Would it make a difference to you? I would never want a feeling of obligation, how sincere would that be, I only would want a true will.

It seems I have always been a joke, an eye roll, or a nuisance to those who matter the most. It seems like everyone gets understanding, respect, and sacrifice for time. People who are there due to life circumstances get what I crave; life really is unfair and it seems to some of us; it always will be. Some people inherit money, love, time one day and just like that; and others struggle, years for a way out, rebuild a better way with limited resources, and continue with their desire for a really long time.

It is sad when a person has the need to constantly feel the need to be forgiven for everything they are not or will ever be. God made us enough! For certain people, one is too much; and I know when I have been left out time and time again; it is nothing new; it started with the one who God gave me to.

How about starting with finding beauty in others, and stop searching for the differences you don’t understand. Can you imagine this world if everybody had the same vibe? All I can do is work on me, thus here are my feelings and pray for understanding.

While I search for meaning I refuse to hang onto envy and greed; I will open my eyes and see God’s truth, and I know where the answers are found.

Sometimes the truth is in the unfamiliar, or it may bring up sadness from a very familiar. I feel pretty content most days, but when there is a struggle inside between me and mine I feel depleted and confused. It is ok, I accept my sadness and confusion I refuse to keep it bottled up; I work on my feelings too much and for too long to hide the truth of what I feel. The great thing about this time, is it always leads to the transition; because who will allow those feelings for too long; unless you are a gluten for punishment. I have survived through the scariest, darkest tunnels, I have done it alone and even scarier with my kids by my side; I do not fear a great fight. I just don’t want to do it alone anymore. I need my strong sidekicks by my side. I have come to know that there is a series of unexposed films in my mind reel; I also know a lot of my wound will never completely heal at least not in this lifetime. I am not afraid anymore, but there are times when my neck hurts and reminds me how vulnerable I will always be, and then It’s gone reminding me that although the darkness will always live I don’t have to give it life over and over again.

It is ok to grieve and be weak at times especially if you have been through the wringer, but it is even great when you can let it go for the moment and forget. There is so much new waiting for me today, new wishes and yes, new fears and I decide which ones I will keep.

Only he who remains in a state of change remains true to himself.

Deciding on what we will continue, keeping those around we can rely on to keep us growing, and encouraging us, and continuously allowing us to vibe in our own way, while accepting those parts of us we longer desire. Stay true to me! Stay true to you! If someone matters to you, sort out that dispute NOW, we may not have a tomorrow.

The thing that is the hardest in life is when we get to that moment where we see ourselves and think, this is not what was supposed to happen, this is not who I envisioned myself to be. We could have made a difference in so many people’s lives, but if we don’t feel we are proud of that person in the mirror what good is that. I feel the best looking in the mirror than I have ever felt, but it still isn’t enough. I can’t hold onto the shame of my past mistakes and feel ok today. Understanding my efforts led me to this point where I will find additional resolutions is where I have to stay focused. When your whole life has had so many heavy moments, you learn to live with a lightness that others don’t understand. People think you aren’t taking things seriously, or you are just being flighty; but in actuality, I am way too analytical to ignore how far I have gotten and what has gotten me here. Sometimes people don’t need explanations and should just trust you, but it doesn’t work that way especially when you aren’t doing things there way. It is great when the caterpillar earns his wings and is able to fly. It is such a great feeling to be truly aware; and I love to take those moments to forget because I am way too aware of way too much. I understand the reasons and I also have gotten to finally realize how much greater the birds-eye view is when you allow yourself to fly to cloud nine on occasion.

I am a Queen, I am royalty to my father, God; and I am woman and mother. I want to share my time, energy, ideas, and crazy imagination in my fair world.

I am too full of values and do what is right, I limit my love and yes sadly that is the truth; not everyone is deserving. I know who I love, and what I want to live for but I will never manipulate another soul.

I have open opinions and yes, I often change my mind when I realize other things weigh more importance. I know more than anything, those around me should represent me in this way because that is the ultimate truth.

1 comment

  1. Your way with words always seem to amaze me, I’m Blessed 🙌 to be in sync with you!!!!! Priceless!!!! 💕💕💕💕

%d bloggers like this: